she was.... disarming

No idea what’s wrong with me today. I had a terrible dream last night that you told me you never loved me. I’ll blame that for me missing you, missing us, missing that dream all day. I went into the basement to the laundry room to get my favorite sleeping shirt (your tee) and it made me think of that trip to Lake George. And that fight about the basement and you having it and you moving here to be with me. I went home from that trip so hopeful. I wish so much that we could’ve made it real.

It’s raining here tonight. I hope it’s raining there too. You love the rain. I do too.

Now if I could convince my eyes that they don’t need to act like the clouds.

If you wait for me
then I’ll come for you
Although I’ve traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart

If you think of me
If you miss me once in awhile
Then I’ll return to you
I’ll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I’ll find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting

If you dream of me
Like I dream of you
In a place that’s warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I’ll find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting

I’ve longed for you
And I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I’ll find my way back to you
Please say you’ll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
If it’s one that you can keep
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me

And say you’ll hold
A place for me
In your heart

I miss you all the time. And definitely the most at night when I go to bed. I miss talking to you until I fall asleep. And I miss the way I used to feel in your arms.

Brendan Benson - Cold Hands Warm Heart

Cold hands, warm heart
We just need some time apart
And everything will be okay
Oh no, not again
Why does it always happen?
It seems like every other day
You’re too quiet, I’m too loud
Now we’ve rid a storm cloud
I’ll see you on the other side
Old habits, young ways
Maybe we’re just a phase
But we can say we really try
And it really shouldn’t be this hard
You know it really shouldn’t be
And if we can only see it this far
Well then I hate to say it, but it’s obvious
I’m telling you, girl, there’s no future for us
All talk, no action
So what’s the big attraction?
And don’t tell me it’s “just because”
All work, no play
Don’t wanna go on this way
I wanna go back to the way it was
And it really shouldn’t be this hard
You know it really shouldn’t be
And if we can only take it this far
Well then we’ve got to end it before it’s too late
The love that is left turns quickly to hate
Cold hands, warm heart
We just need some time apart

I found a spot on my pillow that still smells like you.

I’ve typed out, and then deleted, “I miss you” so many times tonight.

I miss you. Not always. But I miss you tonight.

Sometimes this gets the better of me and I feel like I can’t do it.

I don’t have you. You’re not here. I’m still going to be alone every night.

Some days it’s like you don’t exist. You’re not real. It’s all in my head.